Day 106: Quiet Day

Nothing to really say today. I'm simply open to all blessings.

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Days 103-105: Calmly Tread Through the Storm----SOS to GOD

Right now I feel very uneasy. I have a lot up in the air job wise, living wise, and just faith wise. I feel very fragile and just uneasy. For the first time in my life...I'm not waving some sort of SOS flag to my family and friends about my situation. Because this is my situation to deal with...with God. I also find that the more I try to explain it...people don't understand. Therefore, I am just going to walk into my dreams and people will see what I have not told them.

I am learning I must do what I have never done to get what I have never had.

No SOS message to all I know about my dreams. They can just see it all when it happens. This is new for me. But when I think about, in my past---I used my "drama" to whine about not " makng it" to get attention from friends. For hours and hours I would dream with friends on the phone and just slack at making it all happen.

I am tired of dreaming.

I am just ready to get into the " thick" of my life.

So in a sense I have a SOS sign for God only!!!!

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Day 102: I am Very Tired

I am very tired as I type this post. I have not been as productive as I would have liked to this week. Its Thursday and I am going to do my best to get the most work done.

I feel slayed to say the least...but I am still alive.

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Day 101: I'm like the 101 Dalmations

I will give honor to one of my favorite childhood films on my 101th day :)

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Day 100: 265 Days to Go...I am weak but I am strong

I have 265 days to go into my dream life.

I love MA....

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Day 99: Almost 100 Days into My Dream Life

I feel sick to my stomach. At my almost 100th day into my dream life, I've encounter some bad turbulence. I am the pilot here and I am pressing through this storm. I am determined. I will not cry...I will continue on.

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Days 97 & 98: I'm 100% Flexible

Well my Meisner acting technique class was cancelled this past weekend. I really needed the class---but the teacher was sick so I simply created other productive plans in lieu of the class.

1. I studied the acting of Michelle Monaghan in the film the , " Trucker". I really liked the film, esp. since my father was a trucker, my grandfather, and my stepfather. So not only could I relate to the film. I have family that have been truckers and supported their families ( me! ) by doing so!

Here's the trailer:

2. I completed reading Deepak Chopra's book, " Reinventing the body Resurrecting the soul

Here's a You Tube Video of the Book from Deepak:

3. I read in a straight read through of Karen Hunter's , " Stop Acting Niggardly

And Nine Other Things Black People Need to Stop Doing

Here's the Author Via YT:

4. I slept in and meditated and prayed

5. I worked out

6. I started writing an eBook on travel due to direct emails from my post on blackatlas.com:

http://www.blackatlas.com/city/storydetail/566/1312

7. Cleaned my home

8. Donated to Goodwill ( gave away clothes I dont wear---some new items---just don't wear)

9. Starting the planning for a tweetup---I have no clue what I am doing...

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Days 95 & 96: The Heartbeat Goes On

I want to cry...but its only because I am not were I want to be professionally or personally. Yet,

I am not mad, nor will I ever give up. I was just really weak for one day.

In that "weak" day I went ahead and gently revised my website. Check it out below.

www.mashawnda.com

I have found out that even during the weak moments...we must laugh and do what's easy or simple. I also ordered some business cards for my acting as well on yesterday. It made me feel good to do so. They are just like the image I created above but with a black background and my name and info.

I use homestead for a easy to navigate site. I will get better and one day hire a web designer. But right now I have to do what I can. Next up is the launch for my biz site. I also need to catch up on my submissions this week. I typically submit on average 3 resumes a day at the least. So 21 each week. I have submitted to like 5 this week. I need to get caught up with that and so much more.

I am under a high stress time in my life. Because I have these personal goals that need to be met. However, a lot of stress will equal stress eating. I just don't have time for stressful eating.

I feel dogged out by time, not very happy, lonely in a sense, drained, bored of where I am at in life but I need money to get me out.

I trust God that he will lighten my load. I trust him.

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Day 94: I want to Cry

I'm almost at day 100 and I'm discouraged right now.

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Days 92&93: I Have A Long Way to Go

I received these photos from the set photographer. Her fees are too high for me right now so I will not be buying any...BUT it feels good to see myself in pics working and getting paid to do what I love. Yet my body is not where it needs to be YET.

I have tons of work to do. I feel bittersweet right now. I have a Meisner Technique class on Saturday and Sunday. I will take my own pictures for that event. I just like to see me in action.

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Day 91: No Straight Paths Lead To Our Destiny

Just as we drive to many cities in our lives---each way we get there is different. What I am going to think about today is that no straight path will lead me to the change that I seek.

There are so many ways to get to your dream life. No one road will take you there. I thought of this. I know this and now I will pray on it.

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Days 88-90: Whatever Mashawnda wants...Mashawnda Gets

I've been busy going after my wildest dreams and not able to blog since Thursday. Yet my heart is beating and I am alive. I am more alive than this time last Sunday. It had to do with many factors:

1. A nice Puerto Rican lady that works the grounds where I live told me that I was wise beyond my years...yet I am not old so start to create WILD memories.

2. I saw the film New York I love You and I am deeply motivated to go into filmmaking after watching it. So now I am an actress, writer and I aspire to create films. I am a filmmaker.

3. I did a commercial on Saturday in Asheville, NC

4. I watched the play I was a principle character in from Oct 2009---I was grossed out by my weight. I was fat then ---and just too much weight on my body. But I did really well and like if I was bad I would have been sad and not inspired. But I was good...I felt as if I were watching someone else act--but it was ME!

5. I have found my fashion muse with 50's fashion---I'm totally hype about this

6. My boss at my day job emailed me a very rude email on Friday and it actually motivated me. It made me see that it matters more that you know who you are than it is for someone else to know that.

I am in my flow...

Here are my song for the year and my LIFE:

Sarah Vaughn

in the "like" words of Sarah V... Whatever Mashawnda wants...Mashawnda Gets

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Day 87: You Become Who You Think You Are

Who Do you think you are?

Well---whomever you think you are you will become. I say this because today marks my 10 th anniv. out of college. I have became who I wanted and then some. I am still on this beautiful journey and I have ways to go...but I have transformed into the young lady I thought I would be in ten years. Even if it was just a dream at first.

So for my next ten years...who will I become? I say it will all start in my mind.

I am so happy I graduated from college in 2000. Just a great year to change :)

Here are a few pictures from my LA trip from this week- they all inspire me!!!

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Day 86: Wealth Zen

My flight touched the jetway at 8:52 am this morning. In my head I had the intention of running home---taking a quick shower and then heading to work ( I work in Chapel Hill on Tues and Wed). So as I enter my emmaculate home...I notice that my electricty had been cut off.

I am just keeping it honest.

So here I am jetsetting all over the globe and my electricity was turned off for not paying my bill. I also recieved a call at work for a matter I'd rather not discuss publically ( its worst than the electricity being out).

ANYWAYS---in just the way I can look at a persons home and car to tell that have a calm mind or a not so calm mind.

I can look at how a person manages their money and tell the condition of their wealth mindset. My condition is piss poor right now on May 12th, 2010.

This will change starting today.

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Day 85: I'm In LA

I'm in CA working and I leave in a few. I love it here! Grit and all!

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Day 84: RIP Mrs. Lena Horne

Lena Horne died after a wonderful life of honor! I salute her as a fellow black actress. I am thankful she went after her dreams and it indirectly helped me.

After reviewing her life story again today---I dont take Hollywood for granted. Its more powerful than ppl realize.

You have to be taught to be second class; you're not born that way. ~Lena Horne

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Day 83: 9 months, 11 days

I have 9 months, 11 days until I am officially in the acting and writing "game". I am claiming it. I am not talking local NC "game", nor the black Hollywood "game"....I will be in the Big Hollywood " acting and writing game". I am making a decision.

I started this blog on Feb 17, 2010 and I have made so much progress....

287 days

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Day 82: No Comments on My Blog

I have not really pushed for comments though. I simply want to keep track of how I have progressed. That's my goal. Just as Sofia has her family that have helped her. I have God that will help me; along with myself and people he guides to me.

So today, I had a last min audition and it was loads of fun. Its for a murder mystery dinner performance. Anyone that knows me know I would not do this if I did not love acting.

However, I love acting and hopefully I will get a callback.

The commercial I booked last week emailed me the shooting schedule and I have to report to make up and hair at 10am next Saturday. Shooting starts at 12pm. I'm only getting paid $50 for the gig. But I love making money from work I love.

Well I did my yoga for today and I am about to take a bubble bath ( my fav) and then write my Outline for my script for the ABFF Nickoloden Script Review and then go over my new business plan for Speak Scientific Productions.

I wish while I work away at my dream I had some kids running around and a husband working on his goals as well. I'd really like that right now. HOWEVER, God makes no mistakes and I am a happy single and making SO MUCH progress.

I Googled happy single...and thats what I got :)

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Days 80 and 81: My Week Got Away

My week got away from me. I think its because I had plans to be in TN and then it all changed. I am playing catch up today and the rest of this week. This sucks.

Lesson I have learned is to at least go to bed doing 5 things I wanted to do. Then at least things would get done consistently!!!

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Day 79a: Keeping Strong Even When Opportunities Pass

I typically dont do two post a day. But I had to post about something. I go to Southern Casting to look up castings and just a few mins ago I saw a post for a film that I auditioned for. It felt so weird and slightly odd to know I worked very hard to be in the project; and then I saw that the company was still casting for the film.

But then I had to immediately snap the hell out of it. Maybe I did not look old enough for the role. Maybe I was not "black" enough. Or too " black". My list of Maybe's could be soooooo long. But you know what--the part was just not for me.

Instantly, after this happened to me I thought of all of the actresses in LA and across the globe that go after their dreams. Just imagine the rejections that these women go through just to see the girl that got the role go on with their life. Today made me realize that I must have thick skin for acting and you know what--for the first time in my life at 32. I am finally ready to go all the way.

Every role I audition for was not created for me. I must always enjoy the journey and always just put my best forward!!!!

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Days 76-79: Direct Deposit

When it comes to my money---oh oh....I may not always manage it well. YET, I expect it to come to me on time. I go ahead and plan my money in advance and I count on it ALWAYS. Yet when it comes to counting on God or myself...I doubt.

No more.

Starting today just as I count on my salary to hit my bank acct. I too depend on God and myself to conquer my dreams.

I am excited yet scared at how different my month will be with my new actions and thoughts and prayers????

Oh...and I got the audition from Saturday!!! Yes! My first slam dunk audition!!!

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