Days 133 & 134: I'm not Afraid

I was terminated/laid off/fired/seperated from my "day" job today. It was a peaceful exit. Now I need to find other sources of income of course in order to pay for my EXPENSIVE lifestyle ( my apartment).

That's with that...I am a little down on how my employer handled it all. Yet---I feel that its a blessing. I really do. I prayed for it rather. As odd as that sounds.

So I was let go around 3 hours ago and at that very same hour I was sent a link from a producer for a commercial I did last month.

View it Below:



Now off to see how I am going to pay for my lifestyle and of course my dreams!!!

I am pushing through this storm. I'm not afriad :) just nervous as to how God is going to get me through this time :)

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Days 128 - 132: Edu.va.cation

Its 10:36pm on Sat in Miami. I'm in my hotel in South Beach and I have REALLY bad allergies!!!! This week I've been at the 2010 American Black Film Festival. I've made so many new contacts and just enjoyed and learned from Spike Lee's Master Class on filmmaking to learning from a panel on HBO's newest stars.

Its been an amazing vacation/education week.

I'll blog more about it Sunday, because not only did I attend this film festival, which is pushing me closer to the goal I have with this project...I had a 6 month review and new goals meeting with one of my dear friends on Thursday.

Here's are a few pictures.

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Day 127: I feel like a Fragile Oak Tree Leaf

Yes, I know its summer. So what??? I feel like fall.

Today I feel like that fragile Oak Tree leaf in the Fall. I floated, I landed, and I am simply alive. You can’t tell by my appearance, but I’m as strong as the tree I was built for. The mighty Oak tree.

Today I feel unfocused, not inspired, not dreamy, just mellow, and just present. Yet the passion, strength, happiness that I always have---has not left me.

It just not in me today.

Today is a Moody and mellow Monday for me.

I am that fragile yet strong Oak Tree Leaf. Just in a different season. It’s the first day of summer. Hopefully what Shakespeare said about summer solstice is true---if I make a wish on tonight---it will come true.

I’m pretty weak right now. I don’t feel like submitting for anything.

What do I do on days were I feel like shit?

I will keep on doing productive and pray.

May God bless me today and forever more.

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Days 125& 126: Steady Flow

This weekend I slept in and I worked. I was pretty productive and I wanted to just be lazy. But I must finish out the 2^nd quarter of the year on a strong note. A very strong note. I feel rushed and uneasy. But I am thinking because I have just never worked very hard in my life for what I want. Typically, I wait to be told that I can do something that I want to do instead of studying what it is I want and then making a plan and just doing it.

Well I am doing that now and it’s no joke. Yet it’s my fire-like passion that keeps me awake when it gets gloomy in my life. Sometimes I wish I could put this fire of mine to a lower intensity level---but its just cant happen. I mean it will not rest. I mean it will rest yet innately I always know I should be doing something. I always have something to be doing. Always. I work hard and I play hard---but I am never bored. I may be unfocused. But never bored and without anything to do.

Well, I head to Miami this week for a film festival. I am taking a Spike Lee Filmmakers workshop, attending a CNN event with Soledad O’Brian and probably attend a few films. I doubt I will go to any parties at night or so. I am just not up for it. I want peace this week and some good conversation. Call me boring or whatever---I’m just not in the mood for a lot of chaos. I am in the mood for progress.

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Day 124: Beyond a Balancing Act

Lots have happened between my last post and right now.

1. I had to reschedule my shoot for today ( no transportation right now---long story)

2. I have a lead/contact to spend my bday in Haiti volunteering

3. Plans for the Film festival next week are underway ( I have to decide if I can get around Miami in a freaking cab or not!)

4. I am almost done with entering in my info via www.mint.com

5. I opened up the Roth IRA acct online ( took an hour)

6. Worked out like a goon :) it was actually a great stress release

7. Submitted for lots of work for additional income streams

8. My agent submitted me for a role that I could not do ( I always try to do things without my agent, and then if I get on a limb and the CD needs a agent submission) I have her great assistance. Its my wish to book and job through her so she can get a big chunk of my pay :) Real talk. She's a nice person. My first professional audition for "Main Street" was through Beverly. I am grateful.

That's it...but its not really balancing that I am doing. Its like just doing what I love. Like everything had to be connected to what I love. I mean I work my day job because I love my apartment ( no lie). I have that new mint.com account because I love my money that I work hard for. I want to go to Haiti and volunteer because I just admire's Haiti's story---the battle they have won and just their story and I want to help them in the little way that I can.

But I see my life is improving because I am now seeing what makes me happy, I am connecting it all and doing just that.

Its beyond a balancing act.

A great but crazy man " Morris Reid"

Once told me in a informational interview, " THERE IS NO FUCKING BALANCED LIFE!" I hated him as soon as he screamed those words to me. But can I say he lied??? Well no.

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Day 121-123: Tackling My Money!!!!

Well the acting is coming along...I am pushing along. Each day. I am just pushing---and work is coming in. On Friday, I have a gig were I simply read for a host gig for websites---like a virtual host sort of...

IN A NUTSHELL...EACH DAY I AM APPLYING.

While that's going on....

I'm getting my money together.

Here's the book that's helped me---this dude is the BEST!!!

Here's the author Ramit Sethi

I needed something smart and simple to follow. I bought the book and I immediately opened up the following:

1. ING direct high interest savings account

2. A budget

3. A conscious spending limit

4. I opened up a brokerage acct with Schwab

5. I opened up a high interest checking account

6. My first investment account

7. Roth IRA

So now when I get paid my money is on its way to be automatically invested, saved, and pays my bills on time.

I also calculated my networth and I also know my FICO score.

My net worth is negative. Which many people would be so depressed about. Of course I got a little depressed. But the inspirational part about it is that I now know how much I am worth and its not a lot. So if I know this now at 32---there's something I can do about it to make myself worthy ( money wise).

Same way with my FICO score---its crappy as hell. Its LOW. Yet---I now know my FICO and I can change it.

The key is to be aware and get empowered.

Ramit talks crap about actors in his book. Read it and see for yourself!!!

But RAMIT!!!! Sir Im one actor that is getting financially organized and responsible and I am going after my dreams of acting.

Anyways, his book has been a blessing.

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Day 120: Fat Girls Can Get Healthy

Me at 258lbs ( 2009 )

That's a fuzzy pic above---but its 44lbs off ( *sigh*)

Fat girls can get healthy...one day at a time. I weighed 258lbs ( *sigh *) last Feb. I am now down to 214lbs ( 44lbs off ). My goal is down to 135-145lbs. I know I can do it. One diet Dr. Pepper at a time :)

I had a performance review meeting at work today and I wanted to overeat because I was stressed...but I ate veggies and just prayed and rented some new movies.

I am growing!

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Days 114-119

I’ve been gone for a few days due to my day job. I am very thankful for my day job because it’s afforded me the lifestyle that I have now. However, it can be draining. I am deeply tired.

However, I am still on track with my goals.

Here’s my update:

1. I had a musical theater audition today. I eff’d up in it, because I can’t sing. However, I am now going to take singing lessons. I looked at the rejection of a fun challenge. I know if I had help I could sing.
2. I book a virtual website host gig and we shoot on Friday at 2pm. I am excited about that.
3. I should be able to see the video from the drug abuse center PSA/Commercial I did shortly.
4. I completed my business Speak Scientific Productions website. It’s in its “baby” stage and of course I will tweak it lots---yet this is its start. I love my start up business because it combines everything I am passionate about, the sciences, performing arts, and philanthropy. I am so excited about it all!
5. I go to the American Black Film Festival next week and I have been connecting hard with people that will be attending as well.
6. To date I have lost 45lbs since last Feb.
7. I LOVE my short haircut
8. I’ve created some bootleg headshots because of my haircut
9. I never heard back from that Nickelodeon Writers Workshop ( Oh well)
10. I’m writing these travel booklets for African American women and they are coming a long fine ( I started doing this based on my writings at blackatlas.com)

Well that’s the gist of all for now. I worked hard today to organize my schedule and all, so I will be updated my blog daily.

I have 8 months and some change until I am officially “in” the industry. This is the reason for this blog and my challenge to myself. I feel like I am making so much progress. Still no viewers on here---but its all good.

Above see one of my “homemade” headshots J

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Days 110-113: Slowing Down

Well good news first I have an awesome audition on this coming Sunday for the broadway play, " Rent". The show will be held at the Durham Performing Arts Center. I will have to sing in this audition---and although that is not a focus area of my talents---I know I can do it. I am thinking I will audition for a minor role if offered.

Okay the not so great news. I have started to slow down. Jan, Feb, Mar, April, May have all past. Ive done great work --- but what I was doing many times is frantically starting projects just for the sake of starting projects so I could report back to my goals group that something was done.

Well I must stop the rushing with my life on all areas. Its not healthy for me. Of course life calls for many chaotic moments, however, I can say around 75% of the time I can determine how I am going to handle everything I am involved in without being emotional about it. This includes my weight, money, career, education, love. The roles I take on, the writing I do, etc. I need to carefully consider all of my choices on a daily basis, and how I react to those choices. Choices are like raindrops---when choices touch fertile seeds---fruits and veggies grow. In life when some right choices touch the seeds of my goals. Dreams are born. Quality in---Quality I will have.

Well Ive been rushing just to make a statement. No more. I want to be useful in all I do. I want to give my undivided attention to people and projects and myself. I want to be calmly focused in all I do. I want to grow into the Quality that I am---just never been focused.

I've been without a car now for a few weeks ( I will tell you all about it in my new webseries

" The Reality of Me"), so Ive had to walk everywhere or rent a car to go to work. Well every time I walk in the heat I always get dizzy by the heat. I will not do it again. Yet the first time I got so dizzy it was 98 degree outside and I got lightheaded. I immediately prayed to God that I would not faint or so---because I was in my house alone. So I started breathing as I did in yoga. Just breathing calmly in and out for about 20 mins to get a steady heart beat going.

I then thought about it---1) I'm getting older and I cant just not take care of my health. 2)By almost passing out---it oddly made me aware that I was alive. Here I was a healthy person---never ill ( thank God) and I was feeling very ill.

That whole ordeal made me realize that my life could be gone in a second. I was so scared. Yet the calmly breathing in the midst of chaos---calmed my heart, my mind, and my soul.

Something good came from something bad.

So in honor of that new " Heath incident"....I will be taking my life more seriously and living more slowly.

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Day 109: The Celestine Prophecy

I'm enlightened after reading The Celestine Prophecy. I already believed what the book talks about...I just never had it in words. I love learning life lessons through stories. Its 9:20am my time and I have a lot on my plate, so I will write about it more in depth maybe later on tonight. A Day 109a I will post.

Here's the Book Info:

http://search.barnesandnoble.com/The-Celestine-Prophecy/James-Redfield/e/9780446671002/?pwb=1&

The book has changed me just as the Alchemist has...

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Day 108: Make Up Day

I have gotten off track. Well my daily grind. Today I will get back on.

I am VERY focused. I am VERY ready to live up to my daily potential.

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Day 107: Keep It Going

I've officially dropped 20lbs since April 10th. This post deserves a moment of silence. My weight has held me back for some time now...and its coming off. I am going to out it out there. Last Feb I weighed 258 ( sigh)...on April 10th I weighed 236...On today June 2nd I weigh 216lbs. A total of 42 lbs off.

I am very proud of myself. I am reinventing myself.

Let me repeat the numbers:

Feb 10th: 258lbs

April 10th: 236lbs

June 2nd: 216lbs

By June 10th: 199lbs ( I AM GOING TO FIGHT TO GET UNDER 200lbs)

I know I can do it.

I know this was off topic. Yet my body is part of my overall plan. I am not sure why I am just now tackling my weight issue. But I am and its working.

I eat 80% veggies, fruits, nuts, yogurt, diet soda ( at times) and lots of water

I eat 20% other foods ( coffee, a treat here and there ---no more than twice a week)

I feel healthy. I feel like I am becoming the woman I was born to be.

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