Days 146-156: I am Still Focused...Just a Fuzzy View

As I blog I'm listening to Snoop Dog's, " Who am I?". So pardon my words, if they come across harsh.

First things first my mental state after my job loss. I cant lie. I thought I was stronger than I have been with my life. I mean Ive been through a lot so as soon as I lost my job, I was like ohhhh I can get through this quickly. Well, its just been very odd. Its surreal, yet maybe I was just a tad too comfortable in my "day" job to know that in the blink of an eye---I could be thrown out on my ass for death. Well not really death, but the death of being in middle management and being very comfortable with my job. Although I was very unhappy. In essence the end of my job, has been the beginning of this new journey of mine to go after my dreams.

It is what it is. I will survive. The hard thing is reaching sanity while being broke or maintaining your life when you have no income coming in. Why is it that you feel so good with a steady paycheck---yet you dont do what you need to in order to make your dreams come true. Well, I have messed up. But I will just launch my wildest dreams as a broke chick. I am cool with that. At last I have something to really fight for...my dreams.

So here I am. I am blogging from the hospital. My dear friend is having surgery today and I am very happy that I am able to assist. Yet I feel a tad bit odd for logging onto my computer while at the hospital. It is what it is.

So were am I with my goals? To be frank I am on the MFing edge. I have no option B. I am PRO option A. This time my plane will lift up and finally fly. So below you will find my haps towards my goals:

1. I have started my own production company, Speak Scientific Productions. You can check out the company's website at www.speakscientific.com. Its still in progress. So pardon the mess. BUT its something.

With my company I am pouring all of my professional and personal expertise and serving the world. I am a scientist by trade, I am a philanthropist, and a actress. Well, my business will be used as "connector" for scientific based nonprofits, performing arts and philanthropy. I've worked with many scientific/health based nonprofits and I would observe that the people that attended the fundraising events---cared more about status quo than the people that received the funds for help. Vice versa, the people that received financial asst were thankful, yet it was not a "memorable". I feel that I can feel these void with performing arts. Long story short...I am fearfully pressing forward with the creation of my business vision. I can actually a test to the status quo people donating money. I attended an event in the Hamptons last summer to make connections. I was shallow. yet, now I need to be useful. I am still going to summer in the Hamptons. Yet---just be super useful doing it.

I am running into issues with designing the website----yet I expect it to all be complete by August 1st. I need work. Right now I will have only one actor ( me), and I can work with patience and etc...for performances. I am ready for this challenge. I am still focused---just a fuzzy view.

2. All last week I applied for acting work in New Orleans. Thanks for a lead from my friend Kim. Ive started applying for a few local jobs in NC as well. No work to date. I am still going to push fwd.

3. With my writing I have not done anything. I have this TV show that I registered with the WGA in like 2007. I need to get a production Co to review it.

So there it is... as you can see I am picking my ass up off the floor. I think I had become a useless snob. So my life does make sense in a odd way. I was TKO'd though on June 30th. Knocked out to die. YET I must get back up. I must keep my focus---even though its a little fuzzy right now and I am very edgy with everyone.

For people that may be new to my blog. Its called, " Follow Suit Like Sofia" because I desire to emulate actress and director Sofia Coppola. Her father assisted her with her current life. God ( my father) is assisting me. This blog is a year record of my ups and downs to my dream career life. as well ( God and crew). So hence, that's were the name of this blog came from.

I am still focused. Its just getting hard getting focused again. I'm getting there.

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